Intimacy with God is the Best!

Intimacy with God is intimacy at another level. Earthly intimacy would never measure up. When I am lost in communication with God, I come out healed, restored, encouraged and empowered. I am lifted, revived, and there is a strengthening of my faith. Intimacy with God reminds me that I am loved beyond measure and there is nothing I can do to change that. I am free to express how I feel and I am never misunderstood.

As a married woman, I have experienced intimacy with my husband and while it is special and beautiful, it is not perfect. Knowing God has allowed me to experience an intimacy that is not easy to describe or explain. It is an intimacy that fills every need, an intimacy that ignites my faith and gives me unending joy and peace.

I am always thinking about not grieving the Holy Spirit, because it affects my relationship with God, it disturbs our fellowship and it is difficult living feeling as if you are far away from God. With the distance comes fear and doubt and reminders of the unpleasant things of the past. With the distance comes tension and mistrust in my earthly relations. With the distance comes unhealthy thoughts and actions. I am desperately in need of God’s presence, His intimacy and His fellowship to keep on the straight and narrow.

Therefore, everyday I am seeking to make the right choices and I have found that the right choices are easier to make when I am on the straight and narrow. Note carefully that the straight and narrow is not what many of us perceive it to be. It is not limiting but limitless, it does not rob you of life but offers life abundantly. It does not hinder you from fully utilizing your gifts but opens amazing doors and opportunities for you to do so.

And there is a bonus, when my relationship with God is healthy, my relationship with my husband is healthy as well as my relationship with my family and friends. There is no other way to say it but to say that, “I am a Winner! Are you?

In marriage, true friendship really matters

True friends can have a meal together and not feel uncomfortable in each other’s presence.

True friends can sincerely support each other’s hobbies, dreams and projects.

True friends are willing to sacrifice something that is important, to them to ensure their spouse is taken care of.

True friends are willing to learn from each other.

True friends desire to spend time with each other.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married, it’s always a great time to reflect on the quality of your friendship and seek to improve. Marriage is a wonderful thing.

Here are some tips for building friendship within your marriage.

  1. Keep sharing your personal plans and ideas with your spouse and be ready to listen when he/she wants to do give an input.
  2. Don’t let jealousy ruin your happy moments; spouses can sometimes become jealous of their spouse’s friends and their accomplishments. Think positive and be happy for them.
  3. Show care and concern for your spouse’s family and friends.
  4. Make an effort not to forget to celebrate the special occasions.
  5. Take time out to enjoy humor and to be silly.
  6. Never try to make your spouse look bad in public; keep your disagreements private.
  7. Recognise and appreciate them openly.
  8. Support them in their efforts to practice a healthy lifestyle.
  9. Spend quality time with them weekly.
  10. Send them meaningful and inspirational notes and messages during the day.
  11. Call them during the day just to say “hi”.
  12. Support them in prayer regularly and let them know you are doing so.

It’s all up to you, to enrich your experience living with your spouse. It is not as difficult as we often make it to be, especially understanding that “With God all things are Possible!” It is much more enjoyable being friends.

Enjoy your marriage, it’s a blessing!

Marriage Restoration

What do you do when your marriage is bordering separation or your spouse has walked out the door? What do you do when all that is left between you and your spouse is unforgiveness and hurt? How do you move forward? I believe that a broken marriage can be restored if the husband and the wife is willing to do the work.

Submit your troubled marriage to God, in other words hand it over, give it up or let it go so he can take-over and fix it. Submit your desires as well; take the time out to explain to God what you would like to see in your marriage.

Honestly examine yourself and identify the perspectives or perceptions you may have about your spouse that are not founded. These perceptions may be fueled by assumptions, wrong thinking and inaccurate judgements.

Honestly examine yourself reflecting on the things that your spouse has pointed out about you; determine what is true and what is not.

After self examination be willing to confess your wrongs as well as forgive the wrongs of your spouse.

Take active steps to turn around and to keep walking on your new path. For example: If your spouse always complained about you spending too much time at work. Simply reduce the hours spent at work. Maybe you need to look at your planning and organizations skills, or perhaps there is a need to have a discussion with your supervisor about your workload or ways technology can be better utilized to improve efficiency levels.

As you continue to submit your marriage to God and you continue to grow, begin to pray for your spouse that he/she would be open to God’s leading and to growth as well.

Make an effort to appreciate the great things about your spouse anew; despite how you may feel, act kindly and gently towards him/her.

As you continue to do all of the above begin to declare RESTORATION and success over your marriage. Speak it over your spouse, speak it over your entire family. Whenever your spouse’s name is mentioned or there is a discussion about you marriage, declare restoration for all to hear. This is very important especially in the presence of your Spouse.

As your spouse begins to show changes, do not resist or doubt his/her sincerity. Let things flow remembering to express gratitude to God for little improvements. Look for opportunities to compliment your spouse on areas of growth or change but be careful not to do it too early.

If you only believe your Marriage can be restored!

Decide to Love.

Earlier this year a friend of mine enquired about my marriage and I thought, wow, that was so sweet of him. I was going through some serious challenges at the time and he was one of the very few persons who showed concern without judging or prying unnecessarily; he ended by saying “we are praying for you”. If you have been married for a while, you should know that it takes sweat, sacrifice and perseverance to navigate through all the curves, inclines and trenches of a marriage. It takes honesty and transparency and a humble spirit to allow yourself to grow. Being married has certainly forced me to dig deep, to understand me better and certainly to grow.

From the conversation with my friend, however, there was on thing he said that stayed with me to today. In essence he said, as we get older, we need to decide to stay in love. Every now and then I would remember that statement and reflect on it. As I pondered on it again today, I asked myself, “What does that mean? What does it look like?”. And these are the thoughts I came up with;

  • It means that I must no longer dwell on the physical charming, cute image of my husband before he was bald :); we have long passed that stage in our lives (20+ years). Instead I must appreciate the memory of those early days and as I do, cherish who he has been to me and who he has become.
  • It means that I must be determined more than ever to love him the way Christ loves me. This would require me to love unconditionally. It requires me to demonstrate love even when I do not feel like it or when I am disturbed about something he did or did not do. It requires me to love when I do not understand. It requires me to love when I do not feel loved and appreciated. This is the God kind of Love, loving us without conditions.
  • It means that I must forgive him more today than yesterday.
  • It means that I must rediscover his character and have fun with his personality anew because God is doing a good thing in his life every day. We all change as we grow older.
  • It means that I must apply all the lessons learnt through the years to make our relationship better.
  • It means I must recommit to the covenant of marriage understanding that God is the one who sustains and blesses.

What does those few words mean to you?

It takes two to survive difficulties in a marriage

Essentials for surviving difficulties in marriage.

Just a few days ago, many celebrated Valentine’s Day, smothering their loved ones with chocolates and flowers and other special gifts. For the couple who is facing difficulty in their marriage, Valentines was probably a distant thought. For the couple who has chosen to follow Christ and is determined to fulfill his purpose for their lives together, there is a wealth of support, wisdom and guidance available to you when difficulties in your marriage arise. It is important however that you keep loving each other through those rough seasons, never giving up on your spouse.

Here are some essentials that I believe are needed to survive difficulties in marriage:

  1. An understanding that each spouse is responsible for the state of the marriage. It would be difficult to overcome your problems if only one spouse is held responsible for the poor state of your marriage.
  2. A willingness to acknowledge one’s weaknesses or flaws. Always be willing to examine yourself before God and ask him to show you where you have erred in your marriage. As he convicts you, do not hesitate to openly admit to these flaws and apologize to your spouse where your actions or words adversely affected them. It takes a humble heart of great strength and character to do so, but it will yield great reward.
  3. A willingness to accept help to overcome deep seated character flaws, generational curses or to move on after failure. Be wise enough to know who to listen to. Prayerfully seek out a small circle of friends who cares about both of you and can help to build you up. Work on you as if you are working on a school project. For example if you have difficulty with impulsive spending, avoid keeping too much cash on you, try to avoid window shopping, assign more money to your saving accounts, find out how others dealt with it, etc. Work on you, do things to curb that habit or overcome that weakness.
  4. A willingness to do what is necessary to grow; read books, attend counselling, seminars, listen to messages on marriages, meditate on relevant verses, pray and fast Too many times husbands and wives are reluctant to do the work. The desired results cannot be realized if we refuse to come out of our fixed mind-sets and adopt a growth mentality. Many times we are our greatest setbacks. Open your mind to learning, expanding, and growing beyond your wildest dreams. Don’t think negatively of your spouse or yourself regarding change. If you are alive, it means the possibility of change still exists.
  5. A willingness to forgive – Forgiveness is never easy but possible. When we truly forgive, we feel no resentment or bitterness against our spouse and are willing to put their confessed wrongs in the hands of God and in the past giving you the freedom to love them anew.

Marriage is not for the man or woman who does not want to work. Like any other goal in life, success in marriage requires sacrifice, effort, patience, fearlessness and determination. It also requires a willingness to face the unpleasant and uncomfortable truth about ourselves.

Ephesians 4: 2-3 applies to any believer in Christ and it says “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in Love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Know that God would take care of your desire to build, increase or maintain the Unity of the Spirit and peace within your marriage once you trust him to do just that.

Please hold my hand

In marriage, I believe women are more positively affected by hand-holding. What do you think? I admire couples who are in the habit of holding each others’ hands, whether it is just for a moment or during a long walk. For a woman holding her hand communicates that her husband desires to connect with her, feel her, remind her that she belongs to him and that he is willing to protect her. Holding hands with your woman in public says that you are proud to call her yours.

In some marriages, such physical contact between a husband and his wife is not common and there can be many reasons for that. Some possible reasons are;

  • Because of childhood experiences that led one partner to develop a discomfort with hand-holding.
  • Because of an experience in the marriage that created a distance between the husband and the wife. Maybe its an experience that led to broken trust, unwillingness to forgive or to admit to one’s wrong.
  • Because of a poor self image.
  • Because you are not happily married and in love with your spouse. Maybe you got married for the wrong reasons.

That last point is a big one. If you got married to someone because of their popularity, fear of not finding someone, to please your parents or your church, it is sad. That’s the truth. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it don’t. Once you are in love with your man or your woman however, nothing should be allowed to come between. Healing is available to all, no matter what you have been through as a couple. I feel excited just thinking about the power of love and the Power of God when he is allowed to work. Some of the greatest love stories are those that have survived the storms. What is complicated to us, is an opportunity for God to break, melt and mold us into beautiful vessels. However, it requires us to be obedient to his bidding, patient and humble.

So, no matter how you feel, reach out and hold her hand or reach out and hold his hand. Touch is powerful, it helps you to reconnect and communicate many positive feelings of hope.

Touch her, touch him. Keep doing it no matter what you’ve been through and you would see how physical touch helps you to bond, dissolve walls and appreciate each other more.

Happy hand-holding!

Barriers to effective communication in Marriage.

A few days ago, I was thinking of “barriers to effective communication within marriages. I started brainstorming, looking at my marriage and thinking of the experience of others. I must say my biblical knowledge quickly influenced the direction of my thoughts. I decided to introduce the discussion on my Facebook page and the responses sent me to a deeper place and I had to put put letters to screen :).

As a result of my deep thinking and some of my friends on Facebook sharing their heart on the matter, I decided to share four possible barriers to communication within the Marriage Relationship.

  • Pride – Pride literally cripples you. It has nothing good to offer. I am speaking of the pride that hinders us from doing what is right. The Pride that is more concerned about how we look on the outside and how people perceive us. The Pride that distorts reality trapping us in a world where our identity is defined by how we dress, the type of vehicle we drive, who our friends are, where we work and our achievements. We are therefore seeking to keep up appearances. We may get away with keeping up appearances on the outside but at home it can really hurt us and destroy the relationships that really matter to us. May I suggest that instead of keeping up appearances at home, we seek to practice accepting accountability for our wrongs, even those that make us ashamed and disappointed in ourselves. Accept that you have flaws, weaknesses and nasty habits to work on. Do not pretend to be who you are not, do not be afraid to face your sins head-on. Many times our Spouses are a blessing to us because they are one of the few persons who would tell us the truth about ourselves. I suggest you listen! Don’t let pride rob you from building a closer relationship with your spouse.
  • Distractions – Mobile phones and all it affords – We are in an age of technology at our finger tips. It is like an itch that we think we need to keep scratching. It is a well established and accepted distraction and I believe many couples are struggling with it. Let each man examine himself and pursue change where applicable. Avoid using your phones when your spouse is around and available to chat or to be engaged in doing something with you. Whether it is an opportunity to eat together, or watch the news together or just to be silly together, grab that opportunity to engage each other.
  • Passing judgement before hearing the story – Oh how we love to jump to conclusions before hearing the whole story. “He is always coming home late because he doesn’t like being around me!” So you responded to what you think is the reason for him arriving home late, by keeping to yourself and being extra quiet. He is trying to speak to you and you have gone ice cold. Here is another scenario; “She ended the call because I came into the room.” On that evening you had planned together to work on a family project but instead you started to lecture your wife about “Trust”, she get’s upset as she feels judged and storms out the room. One more scenario, “He told his mom what I told him last night, that is why she did not call me today.” We often act on these hunches, assumptions and wrong perceptions. It is important that we act on facts, ask questions if you need to know what really transpired, but don’t draw conclusions from what seems to be the truth.
  • This is the final one and it is a big one; failure to forgive. One’s failure to forgive their spouse would certainly be a barrier. Failure to forgive means one spouse is holding something against the other, something they did or did not do, that the husband or wife really disapproved of. Unforgiveness leads one to hate and playing the blame game. It is like a big wall that hinders your relationship from blossoming, from prospering, from moving on. It can lead to behaviours that can cause the relationship to deteriorate further, all because he/she chooses not to let go. Communication between both parties becomes complicated and painful. Solution? Get on your knees and ask God to help you to forgive your spouse. Seek help. Be vulnerable enough to tell your spouse how you feel, let them know that you want to but it is proving difficult. Act against your feelings, love your spouse even when it is hard to forgive and try not to allow your past experiences to negatively influence your communication with your spouse.

The 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians is a lovely chapter to read and reflect on as couples. Read verses 4 to 7. Love is patient, kind, does not envy, is not proud, avoids questionable behaviours, does not think evil of others and more.

I am often amazed how we communicate to our loved ones with such disrespect at times and we make such effort to communicate respectfully to strangers. May you be inspired today to love your spouse enough to take the time to practice the behaviours that would enrich the quality of your communication daily.

Start off by greeting your spouse in the kindest, sweetest way and mean it from the heart. Don’t send mixed messages, don’t be silent when you should be speaking and please be careful what comes out of your mouth. Let your words uplift and inspire your spouse.

Work towards creating fulfillment in your marriage! Believe it can happen and it will!

When you believe that your marriage could be better, you are willing to exercise patience with your spouse and you are willing to invest time and money towards seeing your faith come to life.

In my own experience, I have been the victim of boring cycles which are created by life’s rat race; sleep, wake, prepare for work and school, go to work and school, return home and if there is any energy left, prepare for the next day.   If no energy left , well…….we’ll figure it out right?  Something or someone is neglected.

However, the sad truth is that we do get comfortable with those cycles and getting comfortable is not really good or healthy for our marriage or our family.    But the glowing truth is that, deep down, we never stop loving each other and we really desire more.  What happens is that many of us don’t try hard enough or make the effort to ensure that the quality of our marriage improves. We succumb to the pressures of life and rather than see it as an opportunity to become more disciplined, we throw our hands up thinking “I can’t do any better”. “I am so beat”, “He/She understands”.

In this article my aim is to encourage you to constantly work towards a richer, fuller marriage, amidst the rat race.    Take control of your day, your activities and your time and don’t forget that it is ok to have limits.   Decide, when you have put in enough extra hours at work and it is time to head home. Constantly keep in mind, the need for balance and the need to give attention to your spouse. Yes, your spouse needs attention to.

Let’s look at a few practical ways to enrich our marriage even when there are crazy schedules coming at us:

  1. Regularly update your spouse: Every moment, whether you are just calling to say hi or to remind your spouse of an errand, or you are at home in the kitchen fixing something  to eat, update. Maybe the gardener had to postpone his appointment to clean the yard this week-end, update.  Maybe, your sister said she would pass by tomorrow, update.   Maybe your Pastor invited you to attend a meeting at the church on short notice, update.  If you both have a habit of updating each other or mentioning “stuff” through-out the day, you would most likely know the same thing, most times, and it is less likely that either of you would feel left out, or get upset as a result of not being in the know.   This can avoid conflict and clashes of events and activities.   If you practice updating regularly you are actually helping to strengthen bonds and trust between you and your spouse.   Tell him what’s on, all the time; tell her what’s on, all the time. Leave no room for your spouse to wonder “What is she not telling me?” Do you remember when we were younger and we were excited about sharing everything with our best friend? It’s the same thing actually!
  2. Do not alienate your spouse; make him or her part of your work-life as much as possible.    For example, if your Employer is having a staff party and you are allowed to invite your spouse, do not hesitate to do so.   Many employers today are beginning to understand the value of recognising  and showing an interest in the families of their employees.  This would allow you and your spouse to share work-related experiences together, while he or she is allowed to get to meet your co-workers and build an appreciation for the caliber of persons you work with.
  3. You must sacrifice your own personal time for time together.  Put off the beauty regime or the lime with the guys, ignore the phone, the television, the personal projects and just do nothing but chill with your spouse.   If he or she is eating, chill on the chair close by, if he or she is enjoying their favourite TV show, get comfy next to them and enjoy it too.   If he or she decides to read, grab a book and read too.  :).   It does make sense, try it.   Just being in each other’s company is enriching and provides companionship. Companionship in Marriage is always a need to be filled.
  4. Create life and memories around your spouse’s favourite things and people; for example, if your husband loves barbecue, plan a barbecue and invite a few of his close friends, if you wife loves popcorn and movies, select a good movie and get that corn popping. Maybe your husband enjoys walking the dog, join him. There is so much we can do to enrich our lives and our marriage; many of them are also simple activities that cost nothing or very little. Each one of us have the responsibility of creating life, fun, happiness and adventure. Here are some other ideas: prepare a tania-log pot under the moonlight, play table games, go bowling together, go driving, or on a road trip and visit family and shared friends, go to the grocery together, attend events together, yes, get all dressed up and go out. Volunteer to manage the Sunday School Ministry together, or the outreach programme, or the Youth Ministry. The list is endless; I am sure you may have ideas of your own.
  5. Finally, seek to understand where you spouse is at in their development and support efforts to grow, develop or rise to a higher level. The worse thing we could do as married individuals is to discourage our spouses from starting that new project, whether it is to pursue higher education or to learn a new sport or to start a bible study group or reach out to someone in need; whatever it is, if it is pure and healthy, support, support, support.

I hope these few thoughts encourage you to take steps to ensure your marriage exerts life, energy and a healthy positive spirit that would be contagious, giving hope to other married couples, who are desperately in need of it. It takes commitment, discipline and sacrifice but it is doable. Aim for better, richer and for greater. Don’t settle for mediocrity and boredom in your marriage! Be honest and admit that your marriage is not at its best and desire better always.

I love aiming for better, I love aiming for “best”. It is also part of God’s purpose for our lives; he wants us to reflect his character in how we live with our spouse daily. God is an awesome God of life, beauty and joy!

Featured picture taken from Google images.

It’s your marriage – Be intimate!

Hi Guys and Gals,

Just sending some encouragement along your way to keep your Marriage bubbly and meaningful.  Remember to LIVE!!  Please don’t shy away from these issues.

intimacy in marriage is not just about having sexual intercourse, it is much more.

Here are six easy tips for practicing intimacy;

For the Men;

  • Invite your wife to take a walk with you in the moonlight and hold her hand while you walk, while hugging her often.
  • When it is quiet and you are alone, ask her how her day was and caress her back while she speaks.
  • Read for her an article that you found interesting (try to avoid harsh topics, like politics, news bulletins or a negative report). Select an interesting topic, maybe about becoming more positive, learning to cope with life, helping children to develop wholesomely etc.
  • Lie in bed and reminisce about the times when you were dating or the early years of your marriage.
  • Whisper intimate messages in her ear, when others are around – you may be surprised how this makes her feel.
  • Make up a love song or a poem about her and sing or read it to her.

For the Women:

  • Let your husband know how safe he makes you feel, how important He is to you feeling complete. Express to him in words how you feel about him.
  • Make a special effort not to be distracted with the kids and just focus on him for a while. It is just making that special effort to serve him, don’t over-do it though, so it comes across as if you are trying desperately to impress.
  • Watch a movie together and place your head on his lap or place his head on your lap.
  • Ask him about his day and be ready to listen when he begins to share. Do not interrupt him!
  • Offer him a massage at the end of a long day and do it after you have both had your evening bath.
  • Call him during the day just to say “I love you!”!



Being a supportive spouse

I think one of the most special things of a married relationship is being accepted by your spouse.  This acceptance comes with the acknowledgement that you are two different people, coming together in Holy Matrimony, to enrich and complement each other and to impact the world positively, as a couple. Life, therefore, should be better together.

If the husband is a social butterfly, it is quite possible that the wife may be more of a quiet, reserved personality.  While the husband may be outgoing and love crowds, the wife may prefer to socialize among family and close friends.  What is important here is understanding your spouse, and this begins before marriage, during courtship.  You are different, and you are meant to be different, to enrich the lives of each other.

I am amazed how God brings people together, but sad to say, many times we don’t see the joint purpose God wants to fulfill in our lives, we see ourselves.  We often seek to act as single men and women when we are married; we have certainly missed “THE POINT”.  If you are both committed however to a better marriage, getting the point and staying on-point, is still possible.

It is true that even as married couples God needs to work through us individually, but more so, he needs to work through us as a couple, as a single unit.  He has a reason for bringing us together.  Sadly, we often hinder that plan by not embracing the uniqueness of our spouse; their personalities, their gifts, their natural strengths and weaknesses.  I believe, if God must use us as a couple, we must be open to the fact that our compatibility exists because of our differences and that we must be allowed to grow individually, so that the “us” unit could grow as well.

What are some of the things that hinders us as husbands and wives from really accepting each other and encouraging each other to explore our gifts and talents and to work on our weaknesses?   How is it that God has brought us together and we are meant to be a suitable help to our spouses and yet we struggle with issues for so long and our marriages become stagnant?  We struggle with issues when God has already provided a built-in capacity as strengths, gifts and special abilities, in our spouse.  Perhaps we are too critical of our spouses’ weaknesses that we cannot see their inner beauty.      

The question again is why?  What has gone wrong or is going wrong in the marriage where both spouses feel they are not supported by the other in their quest to carry out God’s will for their lives?

Here are some possible reasons

  1. Pride
  2. Unforgiveness
  3. Jealousy….Really?
  4. Selfishness
  5. An unthankful complaining spirit
  6. Lack of faith

Before we get into each of these possible reasons, let us look at a few verses from the Book of Books, the Holy Bible:

Genesis 2: 22-24

“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman and brought her unto the man.  And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Isn’t this a wonderful picture of God’s intention for man and woman?   Think about how it all started; woman, taken out of Man.  She is called “woman” by man himself and she is described by him as “bone of my bones” and “flesh of my flesh”. Oh what a lovely picture.   It represents a sweet bond, a sweet relationship, and you get the picture of “I got your back and you got my back”.  We are one or rather we are designed to be one.  We leave, and we cleave to each other.  This certainly does not describe separation, division, fighting against each other and instead of lifting and building each other, cutting each other down.  These verses present a picture of a beautiful relationship where the man and the woman are designed to exist together as ONE and to enjoy each other.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their Labour.  For if they fall, the one will lift-up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.  Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?”

Certainly, marriage is an ideal picture of how “two can be better than one.”

I John 4:12 says “No man hath seen God at any time.  If we love one another, God dwelleth in us and his love is perfected in us.”

I use this verse because I think, love really starts at home; it begins with how we treat each other, how we accept each other and how we seek to edify each other. 


If you or your spouse are not willing to admit that help is needed or there is a weak area in your life, that needs to be worked on, you would never be able to move on, to grow and to experience victory.  Many times, our spouses can be our greatest counsellor; we are expected to be friends, right? Sadly, we hold on to our pride at times, pretending to be who we are not, even in marriages where vulnerability is necessary for intimacy and growing together.  

Real men and women admit to their flaws, this is what we see in the Bible; David, Moses, the Disciples, Paul.  They could only embrace God’s will for their lives after realizing that they were so full of sin, so desperately in need of his help and his life-transforming power.   I have realized that our spouses know us so well that they are able to alert, or warn us, when it is needed the most.  God also allows us to feel and to sense certain things about our spouse that they may not readily see. As spouses, we grow to understand the weaknesses and strengths of each other and in many cases bear within ourselves the solution to problems.

If we understand the purpose of our spouse in our lives, we would not erect a wall of pride or become defensive when we are corrected or constructively criticized.   A loving sensitive spouse would want to criticize in love for the benefit of his/her spouse; there is absolutely nothing to be defensive about.

Being puffed up would not help our relationship to flourish, instead we would be disarming our marriage from a God-given protective zone, discouraging your spouse to be the first to pull you aside and lovingly show you the dangers lurking outside your window. Don’t let your spouse truly describe you as “Stubborn.”


I think the marriage relationship is one of the most vulnerable relationships.  You are most intimate, it is a serious commitment and it demands daily sacrificing, selflessness and compromising.  It also requires complete trust and loyalty.

Let’s imagine a scenario where both husband and wife decide to start a bank account together, with each of them saving an agreed amount monthly ($400).   They both have access to the accounts, meaning they can withdraw when necessary but there are conditions for doing so which includes; Both must agree to withdraw for the purpose identified.  In this Scenario the wife goes against that agreement and at a time when the account has a balance of $10,000 dollars, she withdraws five thousand on her own to lend to a close friend.  The husband finds out after reviewing the monthly statements and the explanation provided by the wife, when asked, was that she intended to tell him about it but, completely forgot.  Clearly, in this scenario, the wife is wrong; I hope you agree with me on that.  However, considerable damage is done here as the husband is completely shocked that she would do such a thing, especially after they agreed to the conditions set.  By each other holding their end they were able to save up to $10,000. 

 There was no discussion, no agreement on this withdrawal.   I could imagine he would be disappointed and hurt.  Bear in mind, that the wife has never done anything of this sort before.  Even though the wife shows genuine remorse, it can be difficult for him to trust her again and he can be very reluctant to start similar projects that require this level of commitment and trust.  It is a wedge placed within this marriage and if the husband cannot forgive and move on, moving forward will be difficult.  This is just one example, we can seek to brainstorm many other circumstances in a marriage that can seriously erode the issue of trust.  One’s inability or unwillingness to forgive, would certainly “rock the boat” and place serious doubts in the minds of both individuals about the future of their marriage.   It is possible however!


Could I be so jealous of my spouse that I silently wish that he/she fails at something he loves.  Jealousy is devilish, destructive and ugly; no part of it is healthy.  There is no point being jealous of anyone, as we are not meant to be the same, to have the same personality, qualities, characteristics, gifts and talents.  It can be rather stressful trying to keep up a jealous attitude.   It happens however, you and I have experienced those biting moments of jealousy, and we understand that it must never be tolerated.  The question is, do we ever get jealous of our spouses?  We do, but we shouldn’t.  While we are meant to be one, you may be able to sing beautifully, and all your spouse could do is whistle for his supper; I truly think that is ok.  As a husband you may be able to draw a group of persons the moment you start to speak, and your wife may have to work twice as hard to get their attention.  The point here is that we are meant to be different and to embrace each other’s differences, this is how beauty in life is created.   God created colour and variety intentionally; it was no mistake.   The next time he flashes his bright smile and the room explodes and you feel the jealousy coming on, talk to yourself and remind you to stay focused.   Remind yourself that this is just one of the things that makes him special and makes him yours.  Smile on darling, smile on, you enrich our lives when you do.


There is absolutely no room in your sweet marriage for selfishness.    Well, yes, you do need to be alone at times, you need to have your own quiet time, go visit your girlfriends/boyfriends etc.   These activities are all healthy.   We can be selfish however, when we neglect the feelings and needs of our spouse, seeking to satisfy our needs and our feelings only.  It is an insensitive, limited view of life, that hinders you from truly honouring and serving your spouse.  Your decisions are determined based on what is in it for you than what is in it for you and your spouse.   Love is certainly not selfish; the word of God says so. 

Every decision must be made in the light of God’s word and His will for your life as a couple and if your decisions and activities in life is destroying that focus, then it is destroying your marriage and not building it.  Your spouse should agree with whatever you are pursuing personally and whatever you are pursuing personally should not only benefit you but benefit your marriage.

 An unthankful complaining spirit:

Are you always complaining about what your Spouse did not do, cannot do or who he/she is not?  The question we need to ask ourselves is, Does it really help to complain? Do things improve when we do?   I would suggest meaningful discussions instead, choosing the right time to express your concerns, suggestions for improvement etc. This must be done respectfully and in genuine love.   Let’s replace nagging and complaining with constructive criticisms, supported by recommending alternative ways to doing things.  Be sure to appreciate your spouse when they do things right, when you see them making the effort to make you happy or just to get an important task accomplished. Don’t be a miserable complainer, it is not a supportive gesture and would only drive you apart.  A complaining, unthankful attitude towards your husband would hinder you from growing more intimate, where you both feel supported and uplifted by each other.

Lack of faith:

I really believe that our lack of faith could hinder us from supporting our spouses all the way.   If we doubt instead of exercising faith, we would be an obstacle to our spouse’s growth.   It can be challenging having a spouse who doubts all the time; when a possibility or opportunity arises, you may be faced with a lot of “buts” or “what if’s”.  We allow ourselves to see all the hindrances when we push aside faith and live in doubt, and many times we do not understand how depressing it is for our spouse. Whether it is to start a new project, or to take a simple step of obedience to the Holy Spirit, we need faith and our spouses need to have faith with us. 

I love that the Bible says that “Without faith it is impossible to please God”, Hebrews 11:6.   If we really believe that God is who he says He is, why do we doubt in His ability to direct our every step?

Let’s be sure to guard our attitude towards God’s word and don’t be a hindrance by exercising doubt and not faith.

I do hope this short article opens your eyes to some of the things you may be doing that may be negatively affecting your spouse and your marriage.